The Side Chick Negotiations/ Black bourgeoisie file


I have a friend whom I have known for almost a decade and each time we meet I feel as if I’m in an undeclared sexual negotiation. Sometimes months, even years go by before we see each other despite regularly speaking on the phone. Whenever I see him I find myself party to the same conversation about his hunt for a side chick. Now you may be wondering why I would even entertain this man’s foolishness? But honestly, he’s a really nice guy (sexual issues aside) and he had never aggressively and openly expressed an interest in me. Instead, for the past few years he has chosen to drag me into these hypothetical conversations.

Here is some back ground: We are both from a culture believe it or not, where it is prevalent in fact normal for a man to have a wife and a girlfriend and juggle full families with them both for the rest of his life. Usually one or both women are aware and at least one is accepting. Continue reading


Missing: Where are the black babies? The biracial push.

4fe160baa212905324ff7fc216a0c457  Let me just begin by saying, all babies are beautiful regardless of race, ethnicity or creed. As a woman who struggled to have a child, I would be remiss to show ingratitude to the universe by denigrating anyone’s child.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me introduce myself. I am a young black woman married to an educated and wonderful man. Together, we have one healthy and handsome child who is the spitting image of his father. Being proud of this fact, I constantly bombard my family every chance I get with updated photos of him and post to Instagram so said family members won’t forget. Yet I notice an odd trend, I seem to be in a small class of black women who share photos of their fully black children. There seems to be this media push for black women to celebrate their children with “otherness”, meaning children of mixed race unions or children whose racial heritage is multicultural. Granted, this is not a new trend, it is a pattern I noticed but paid little attention to, prior to having my own child. When you become a mom, however, you become more acutely aware of things that previously did not hold your interest too long, if at all. Continue reading